morning, folks. it is me. anyways, i know the past few blog posts have been extremely long, so i'll make it shorter this time around.
okay- maybe not that short. yeah, nothing's happened the past month, but i'm still contractually* obligated to write these things. and that brings us here. but like i said, nothing's happened, so it's kinda hard to think of interesting topics to write about. as much as i have to say about George right now, i'll save that for a future video i have planned. not that presentation i promised then promptly abandoned, but something also cool and interesting.
to be honest, i should probably start my last 2 summer assignments soon. the first one is basically done, and it actually involved coding! it was just a Brilliant course on Python, which was mildly interesting. i can't say i really "learned" a whole lot about the language, and i'm not even sure what to do with the few concepts it taught... but i guess i'll learn more in the actual class. i signed up for three computer-related classes this year. the first is AP Computer Science Principles, which is apparently the "easiest" AP class, according to many.
the next two are Web Design and Game Design, which might sound familiar to old readers of this blog. back during the Old Blog days, i mentioned my utter disappointment when Game Design ended up not being offered. it went hand-in-hand with Web Design (each are one-semester), meaning that i would've had to take the latter with something like Literature of Sport, a class which only exists for the sole purpose of filling in an unavoidable gap in a class schedule.
as for the other summer assignments, i basically have to read a book and one quarter. at least, i think i do. i haven't actually checked the assignment resources since june. they could be due tomorrow for all i know! unfortunately, that first assignment was actually yesterday (at the time this releases). the very IDEA of homework during summer break already pisses me off, but making it due THREE WEEKS before school even starts?! what kind of lazy, twisted piece of sh*t pulls that kind of crap? i haven't even met the teacher and they've already ticked me off. good job, you win a gold star for wasting both my time and yours.
on another equally-frustrating note, my mom has already signed me up for my school's mother-son dance. not only that, but she found out about it two hours after the year schedule released. all i know is that she's hell of a lot more interested in the schedule than i am. probably to know what days to take off to pick me up early or something. she also wants me to go to Homecoming and the Winter Formal this year, and i'm just sitting here wondering why????
i mean, i guess i could drag my friends into going to Homecoming, but the Winter Formal? i'm pretty sure my school hasn't had one of those since the 90's, and they just decided to bring it back this year (most likely since no one went to Sadie Hawkins last year). but that's not the real kicker! mom said if i don't want to attend the Winter Formal, i can just go to Prom instead! like yeah, my very real and lovely girlfriend will definitely want to accompany me to that one!
i get my mom wants to push me to do more things and be more social and all, but this is going from nudging me out of a corner to shoving me off a cliff. i'm already in therapy to help with my now-inactive depression and anxiety, but now my mom is just forcing me to go on this little side quest to achieve... what? i know, "once-in-a-lifetime experience", i get it. but i don't think i have enough friends or social experience to last a night of couples' dancing. i think you're supposed to ask someone to go on a date with you, but i don't think i know anyone well enough to pull something like that off.
i already agreed to go to football games and do theater this year, do i really need two school dances on top of that? ...okay that doesn't sound like a lot, but i'll probably do some clubs on the side, i dunno. obviously, i'm capable of going to fun events and doing fun things. like a normal person. even at my lowest, i still found myself having the occasional bit of fun.
...dating, however, is a bit out of my comfort zone. i already suck at initiating coversations in the first place, but suddenly my mom believes i possess the capabilites to not only manage to ask a girl out, but somehow keep us both entertained for the entire duration of the date? i guess i don't suck ass at holding decent convos, but ask me to be romantic in any way, shape, or form and i'll crumble into dust.
what i'm trying to say is: nah. look, i don't need school dances to have a good time. especially not those involving asking people out. lord knows i'd start sweating bullets on the first sentence. however, i certainly could use more social development in my life, and i'm probably being too harsh right out the gate. i actually went to Homecoming freshman year because i was still friends with my middle school classmates. looking back, i didn't really enjoy it too much. after all, i barely knew anyone. but somehow they all knew my name??? like how the hell do you my name, i don't even know if you're in my grade!
that's another thing, i'm terrible at actually getting know people. names, especially. somehow, a third of the whole damn school just happens to know my name. and i'm sitting there like "ohhhhh, hey... you." but like, where did you get that information? and frankly, who gave it to you? and who even are you? i don't care if you're in my grade, who the hell are you?!
pretty sure that's not the mindset my mom is looking for in me. she'd like me to be more approachable. obviously, that's what i want as well, but i already feel at a loss when everyone just... expects me to know their name back. is this what Instagram does to a person? well, i have it and nothing much has changed, so i must be doing something wrong. maybe it's the "not initiating conversations" part. i should consider working on that sometime, huh?
if you haven't already noticed, i've started a trend of packaging site updates with blog posts. not that i necessarily have to, i've just developed a habit of doing so. it's just more convenient, y'know. as far as actual project updates go, uhhhh we haven't had many. George 1.5 development has been progressing much better as of recent, but i can't say the same for my other games. Lab II has gotten nothing more than occasional thought, Sid's got a single concept project, and everything else hasn't crossed my mind.
i don't think much will release until G1.5 is done, which unfortunately, isn't gonna happen for a while. but what i can do in the meantime is do something else productive, like streaming. it's kinda hard to really start a stream for me, though. i never know what translates well into streaming and what doesn't. i don't think game dev streams would be very entertaining, since i'd probably be ranting about nothing the whole time and wishing i had (copyrighted) music playing.
that's why i think i'll probably start streaming my backlog of games. i don't have to provide music (even though i don't think i would anyway), and i can actually play some damn video games. a friend of mine said i'm actually decent at holding convos and being entertaining, so i think i could actually be a somewhat competent streamer. the hard part is actually... doing it. not to mention growing an audience that actually cares about you and your content sounds easier said than done, and i'll bet that most creators on Twitch have less than 100 followers.
but hey! at least i'll be doing something rather than the usual nothing. the only awkward part is that my parents have no goddamn idea i've streamed before. hell, they don't know about any of my videos or this web site. they've vaguely heard of my games, but i put the brakes on that after my mom starting worrying about me being depressed (moreso than before) after reading her the George lore. they here me talking in my room and always assume i'm on a call with someone. how would my dad react if he walked into the room and saw my phone with with a live Twitch chat? my live chat?
to be honest, my dad would probably be a lot more open to the idea than my mom. she'd immediately be like "are you talking to strangers online?" or "you aren't revealing your face, are you?" dealing with that sounds like an enormous chore. although what sounds like an even bigger chore is this web site. i couldn't possibly imagine if my parents found out about it, let alone the blog. dear god, the blog. i could imagine the look on her face as she painstakingly reads through each and every line of Worrywort.
that being said, i have told my therapist about this blog. she mentioned using creative outlets as a way to cope with stress and anxiety, and suggested writing as an example. while i doubt she's read the thing, she told me that it's good i'm getting all this stuff off my chest. i will say, i'm glad i'm not doing those semi-daily posts anymore. i feel like those would be detrimental to my health more than anything, constantly scrambling to find mildly interesting topics just to end up with a half-baked, seven sentence "blog post".
guess that's all i have for now. abrupt ending, i know. but after writing those 20 megabyte monstrocities, i need a break. not like this post has a particular "theme", anyway. just ranting about stuff that happens to happen, like i'm sure most blogs go. in the meanwhile, i should really start those summer assignments- my parents are getting restless.
anyway i hope you liked my blog. still mixed on those new gumball episodes though.
*contract may or may not actually exist.
