so much for my October plans, huh? turns out i suck at getting things done. (who knew?) if you couldn't tell by the lack of a devlog, i didn't exactly get much done this month. to be honest, i was all over the place. i barely got any work on the Remastered Collection done, yet i kept putting more effort into George 1.5? like, hello?? priorities?? i didn't get much done in terms of actual gameplay, but i did a bunch of engine backend work. i also redid the entirety of level 3's looks, since the old coloring scheme was pretty bad. but wait, i'm getting ahead of myself. what about the Collection? y'know, the worthless project i released back in March? what about the update that would've turned it from a rushed letdown to an actually worthwhile experience?
at this point it feels like i've done absolutely nothing this month. even in theatre, i've barely rehearsed my lines or anything at all. any time i do actually rehearse is when i'm actually in the theater. i've basically accomplished nothing. the only project i've got in the works—that's actually slated to release—has had zero work done on it, and everything else is sitting there gathering dust. at this point, i might as well wrap up the third George 2 beta and release that as a finished product. it was only a final boss away, after all.

what now? well, i guess i can put the Collection off even longer. i don't even know if anyone would bother playing it, despite there being a save system and neat rewards. the only reason i picked up the project at the beginning of August was because... well, why not? it'd been 17 months since the game initially released, and i felt upset about that enough to make an update for it. the same thing happened with the somewhat recently released George 1R Widescreen Port; only that time it was 16 months. better late than never!
i should really just complete the Collection. i just gotta learn to suck it up, get off reddit, and finish a damn project. the only reason i made the G1R widescreen port so fast is because the game was literally finished; i just had to widen the viewport. a good majority the of the Collection is already done, anyway. two out of three games, to be exact. maybe i could even bring my streams back at some point. i've wanted to for a while now, but haven't exactly found the time for them. although, i'd probably save streams for playing games, not making them. i don't like enough ambient music to justify a game-making stream.

i've also had a minor Labyrinths II update cooking alongside my other stuff, but i've neglected to ask my friend to make more pixel art for it. if i could, i would absolutely work on that game during school hours. but unfortunately, the entirety of Dashnet is blocked on the network, which sucks. i got a sizeable amount of the first alpha done during Sophomore year, but now i haven't done anything since May. eh, i'll get to it sooner or later, especially since most of Alpha 1.2 is done.
as much as i should really put off George 1.5 and work on my more urgent projects right now, i can't help but pick apart the heaps of issues in the game and tidy them up. i've recolored an entire level (+ its corresponding cutscene), changed an entire portion of the text engine, and even overhauled the entire menu. none of these really equate to meaningful progress, but they've stolen any and all time from the Remastered Collection. it's good that i'm still working on anything at all, that's for damn sure. however, it's clear that my time and effort is going to the wrong places at the wrong times.

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as for the LG Productions-branded School Segment, it's been going well. my grades are still up, midterms have been fine, and i'm in a decent spot right now. unfortunately this year, i'm in a sticky situation for the fall production. i'm behind, which is a major issue. i missed two rehearsal in a row a few weeks ago, and those really set me back. my lines? definitely not memorized. the only reason i memorized my lines in last year's production is because i went to every single practice, which drilled the lines into my head. i've been to far less rehearsals this time around, and haven't gotten the chance to to rehearse them as much.
i think i'm just severly demotivated. except this time, it's real life instead of one of my many projects. and i'd be lying if i said i was having a remarkably fun time this year. last year just had something special. even if i didn't make any long-lasting friendships, i had a blast. i had fun. now it feels as if the past three months have come and gone. the play starts in less than three weeks, and i've been going through the motions as usual.

i'm feeling unwell again. maybe it's just the mood swings, but i feel less like myself than ever.
i spend most of my time longing for the old days. but even then it wasn't all that great.
something's always off. at some point, i wind up dragging the mood down.

Sophomore year did a number on me. if Freshman year was a slap in the face, then the year that followed was a punch in the gut. and this year? well, it's been incredibly boring so far. so that makes this year a... tap on the shoulder? i'm kinda struggling to put a label on this one. the most i've accomplished is having a lack of accomplishments. not to mention the part about talking to people even less than i usually would, while losing grip of the relationships i've built in the process.
it's not that i can't make friends. as i'll get into later, i can. but the problem is that i can't keep them. i can't start a conversation for the life of me. if i had to choose between initiating a conversation or shooting myself in the foot, i'd lose an entire limb.

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although, with that said, maybe i can keep friends. i've just been losing friends for so long, i've convinced myself that i can't keep and/or make friendships. well, i went to a friend's house on Halloween, and the four of us there actually had a really fun time. i didn't expect to not have fun, but i honestly really enjoyed myself. we ate pizza, baked a pumpkin pie, carved pumpkins (i made George, obviously), and watched The Loud House for some godforsaken reason. i've been sitting with these guys at lunch for over a year now, so it makes sense that we can actually y'know, bond?
that night made me feel human again, like i'm easy to be around. i've been spending every single school day with these guys, so like, yeah of course we're gonna bond. on the flipside, i barely interact at all with the theatre kids. i've been to Denny's with 'em and i can barely get a word out! look, maybe they're not the right crowd for me. they're into the whole thing, and i'm clearly not. will i keep signing up for plays and musicals? probably, yeah. will i pursue it in college and beyond? no.

but saying that doesn't feel right. they may not be the "right" crowd for me, but that doesn't mean they can't be a crowd. this whole situation i'm in right now is entirely on me, and i've made negative effort to make any connections, even outside of school. i spent two whole weeks in Europe and couldn't make a single conversation afterward? how is that even possible?? it doesn't matter—i could keep listing examples forever. everyone there already had their own groups when i joined, meanwhile my lunch friends were losing members by the minute. so it's no wonder how i ended up sliding right in.
circling back to the theatre guys, i still feel like i barely know them. i follow around 40 of my fellow students on my personal Instagram (not just limited to castmates), and i only know about 15 of them at most. after i made the account, the follows just started pouring in for a couple days, and not a single one actually came from me. i see their notes every now and then, and i'm reminded how little i know of these people. and it took me a while to think about it, but i honestly feel like i robbed some of them.

what i mean by that is: look at my first play of high school (read "The Non-Theatre Theatre Kid" for background). all these kids, one way or another, have found an interest in theatre and have been in the business for a decent while. a new play comes up at the start of the year, and they're ready to sign up and hopefully land a role. so how weird would it be if some random ass kid nobody's heard of just wanders into the school theater, reads two monologues, then proceeds to land a major role on his first try? may i remind you—no one knows about this kid. like, where did he come from? hello?? what has the world come to?!
of course, this is probably an unrealistic way of thinking about things. new talent can come from all kinds of backgrounds, even if it seems like it came completely out of left field. i've always had an acting bug in me, starting all the way back in second grade. still, i can't help but feel like i stole the opportunity from a lot of people, even if no one ever seemed to hold a grudge against me. this all came to my mind a few weeks ago, and it doesn't help things one bit.

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well that's all i've got this month. if anything winds up releasing, great. if not, sorry in advance. see you.
_{did i use those em dashes and semicolons correctly? lmk in the comment section below}