post title from: hyphen-lost (sup)
words: 2,123
where do i start? i'm kinda running out of things to talk about again. i keep thinking each one of these posts is gonna be at least slightly different, but they all end up rather bland. i could always just give some more space between each post, or remove the month-by-month system entirely, but that's beside the point.
i've started looking at this blog as a sort of "public diary". i like writing stuff, and this blog is the best way to do that. but each month has the exact same thing going for it. i introduce the post, cry about being lonely, then end with me adding two lines of code to a dead project. it'd be a lot more interesting if each post added something new to the table. yeah if you couldn't tell, i still haven't exactly "perfected" my blog yet. to be honest, i'm probably better off abolishing schedules altogether.
the only problem with that is motivation, which seems to be an issue that plagues my daily life. the schedule exists the first place solely to get me to actually write. i also established it because of my experience with a diary back in second grade. it started off strong, but slowly dwindled as the weeks went by. pretty sure i still have the diary, but it'd be quite sad to revisit. i'm a little conflicted here, if you haven't guessed already. however, i have a couple ideas as to how i can "revive" the blog.
one idea is making a list of possible post topics that i can throw in. back in the Old Blog, i had these "midway" posts, which would cover any sort of topic at random. the new devlog posts are somewhat reminiscent of that, since they're not only written at random, but cover certain topics. the standard blog posts cover whatever the hell they want, but a list of topics to write about wouldn't hurt. i'm getting desperate, here.
to put it simply, i'd like to try avoiding that word as much as possible, at least for now. i remember a few blog posts ago i had a similar idea. now i'm not even gonna mention that word at all. that's right—we're going all in. forget the homework, forget the singing and dancing, forget the people i don't talk to; here's a totally original blog post about nothing in particular.
recently, i've become interested in upgrading my PC. more specifically, my CPU. not that my current one is bad or anything, but i think it's about time for an upgrade. i don't know how to actually assemble (or in this case, disassemble) my current build, but it'll be fun trying to figure it out. i'll definitely end up eating those words.
but CPUs cost money, right? the newest generations cost the most out of them all, yet it's those i'm aiming for. what about the GPU? if you're putting so much effort into increasing the specs, why not do both? well, i don't really care about graphics all too much. if it can output HD, it's good enough for me. maybe i'll invest in a new keyboard at some point, and i'd get one with that soft, clicky sound everyone likes.
why am i bothering to look into all these fancy tech gizmos when my birthday has already passed? my grandma, that's why. every other week, she gives me a sh*t-ton of cash as "lunch money". little does she know, i don't buy school lunches. not even drinks, i just eat whatever my mom packs. yeah, i'm one of those kids.
as much as i'd like to say no to her (not to mention she already helps pay my tuition), she's the kind that loves to spoil her grandchildren. she offers you a drink when you come to visit? you bet your ass you're saying yes. look i love her to death, but every time she hands me money without my mom looking, i get the urge to throw it into a lit fireplace. yes, my mom is very much aware that grandma does this kind of thing. she knows all the in's-and-outs's: how the temperature is always cranked up, how the water is always absurdly hot, how she always has sodas in the fridge ready for us to drink, etc. i should play Chinese Checkers with her again sometime, it'd distract from the lunch money, that's for sure.
remember how i once said that i wanted to look for more cool neocities sites to add to the About page? well, i think i've finally figured out something else i wanna add to that page: a shrine! if you don't know what a shrine is, tough luck. i don't really know either. however, i've seen a few shrines in my search for cool sites, and i think i get the jist. in fact, i just so happened to find a neocities site that gives a good explanation.
so what would i make one about, you say? well, i have a pretty good idea. a relatively unknown piece of gaming history that inspired the hearts of the 65 people in its unofficial Discord server. if i'm not mistaken, it was actually the subject of the first stream i ever did! ...i uh, neglected to ever archive it, but maybe i'll come back to it someday.
if you have no goddamn clue of what i'm talking about, i don't blame you. the game, like i said, isn't particularly popular or well-received. it didn't even sell well in its home country, which definitely doesn't help its case. but that's why i want to make a shine for this game specifically; to bring more attention to an underappreciated game.
i've really just been looking for ways to kill time, since i've been putting my games on the backburner for as long as i can remember. i've been at this site for over two years now—it ain't going anywhere. i've been putting more thought into giving future blog posts their own themes and topics, especially after Web Design 404 was posted. the only reason that post is a devlog is because i planned on talking about my IGM games in more detail, but i didn't really give them anything but a small mention. that post was more for testing the waters, anyway, and i think i like what i was going for. just gotta find a way to make it less rant-y and more interesting.
speaking of the blog, sometimes i wonder why i even started it in the first place. before i get into this, no, i'm not cancelling or delaying anything. just y'know... awkwardly transitioning onto the next section. i suppose i started the blog as a way to let people know about my projects, or to just rant without having to say anything out loud. i think people used to read the Old Blog more than whatever i'm writing now, since i recall getting responses to a specific type of post. i don't look at it as a way to attract attention or beg for sympathy, i look at it as a way to preserve my life.
i rarely take pictures. half of my entire photo gallery is just from when i went to Europe last summer, which is the only real exception. i have an Insta account, but my classmates can certainly bet that they'll never get a post from me again. not that anything bad happened, but i honestly don't care for posting all that much these days. instead, my blog is my go-to. really, it's a personal diary. i can't write a story for sh*t, let alone a whole book if i tried. at one point, however, i said that this could be the book instead. a person turning their blog into a book, wow, what an idea. i'm sure tons of people have already done this before, likely just for spare change.
i will say, i don't actually read many blogs myself. i can count at least two that i follow, but both their outputs are even slower than mine. the rest of the websites i follow are either dead or don't have a blog. i doubt most sites as a whole have a schedule for their blog, which explains why it's hard to find sites with lively, continuous posts. at least people are in for a nice surprise if they find mine, heh.
it's a matter of how long i can keep this up for. those mood swings i was going through last month have calmed down a bit, and i'm generally in a better mood. should strike up some convos with old friends, since i'm bored and got nothin' better to do. i like talking to people, but definitely not all the time. although whenever i do talk to people, i usually end up killing any and all momentum we've got going. eh, whatever. that's a problem for my therapist, anyway.
to be honest, i dunno where this whole social anxiety problem nonsense started in the first place. i was never that bad at talking to people back in the day—in fact, i was pretty decent at it. as a kid, you could just walk up to some other weirdo kids and be friends instantly, not knowing that they'd end up getting expelled, evading the police, becoming hooked on some good stuff, and becoming a serial killer... or anything oddly specific like that. i'm just saying that you could walk up to anyone and not have to worry about anything.
when second grade started, i remember the new kid was in tears after leaving his old, uh, place of education. the first thing the teacher did was go to me for help, stating that was a good friend. i will admit, i was actually a bit of a prick to my classmates back then, but she thought i was good enough. i also remember meeting some kid at MineCon, y'know, back when those were a thing? nothing much ever came out of it, but i managed to at least talk to one person.
nowadays, i can barely make eye contact with anyone. i'm trying to steer away from talking about that as much as possible, but it's begging to be ranted about. guess this is what obsessively ranting about something for two years does to a guy, huh.
circling back to non-IRL issues, my good friend hyphen has started work on the George 1.5 soundtrack again. he's been hard at work cooking up some fire beats the past few months, unlike me two years ago. the soundtrack has been through at least three iterations in total, and one of them is actually available on hyphen's Bandcamp page. the one good thing about my nonexistent motivation is that it gives him a hell of a lot more time to compose. it's mostly demos at the moment, but hey, they all sound great!
after playing and watching videos on a handful of games, i've gotten some new ideas for Labyrinths II. one involves a new map that allows you to traverse between different lands, each of which hold different labyrinths to explore. how you'll get to these lands i haven't thought of yet, but maybe you could go through some mini-labyrinth that has you fending off enemies and such.
i'll try my best to make the labyrinths more unique in the next few updates. this means new particles, custom enemies, special rewards; stuff like that. as for an overarching story? eh, that's something for the 2030's Beta versions.
as for the "upcoming" Alpha 2, it'll have all the same content from Alpha 1—its focus is primarily on graphics and tweaks for some mechanics. gotta thank After Hours X for rejuvenating my interest in IGM in the first place, otherwise Lab II would still look as bland as it does now.
guess all it takes for me to gain some gamemaking mojo is to play some actual video games, believe it or not. with this in mind, i think i'm slowly starting to get into the swing of things. since hyphen resumed work on the soundtrack, i actually bothered to mess with George 1.5 again after months of inactivity (even though i practically just poked it with a stick). i've also thought about actually getting $450 worth out of my Switch for once, after my revelation that "playing games = making games". we'll see how that goes.
before i end up digging this blog post's grave in front of my very eyes, i'm gonna wrap things up here and take a nap.
see you all next month, where you probably won't find a new Labyrinths II update!